Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
