My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
