is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
