so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
