Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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