My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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