I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
