census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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