i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
