i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
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It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
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Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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