I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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