I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
