Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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