You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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