who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
