Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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