So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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