She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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