I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
