I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
