Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
