Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
