ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
