once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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