o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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