I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
