Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
