We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
