I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Couch. On fire.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
