There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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