My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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