now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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