Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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