just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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