Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
