I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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