The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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