Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
