I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
