Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
