Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
