I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He better not be in your backpack
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
