Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
