Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
