I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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