you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Randomize
