One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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