I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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