just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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