nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
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well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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