So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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