Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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