The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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