I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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