Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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