who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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