you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
