my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
