I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
