I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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