That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
