D3 body, D1 cock
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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