Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
