Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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