I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
