I can't watch pbs sober anymore
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
