You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
