I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
