Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
