If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I licked your asshole in confidence.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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