There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
