You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
