im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize