I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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