I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
