your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
