I bet he comes in French.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
