my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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