I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
