What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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