he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
