Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
