Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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