She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
