Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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