Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
