yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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